You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are, The second greatest is being happy with what you find.

Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.

We don't do ambivalence well in America. We do courage of our convictions. We do might makes right. Ambivalence is French. Certainty is American.

Shoot straight, you bastards! Don't make a mess of it!

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

Happiness is not a limited resource. So help yourself, and there will be plenty left for everyone else.

I'm not a great practiser at all. We were never great practisers. The Beatles would come together for about a day before we had a tour, to make sure the amp worked.

I see myself more as a character actress than a celebrity.

War defined my entire childhood and youth and most of my adulthood too - and in the US, it continues to do so.