You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

Dreams are woven with threads of truth.

Sometimes you want to curl up and cry until you can cry no more. But you realize that that would leave you exposed and vulnerable. So you turn, and realize that there is no one to turn to.

Love can be a very frightening thing.”“That is why most great love stories are tragedies.

Outside in the sun the Holy Mother stood on her pedestal in the garden, sorry but unsympathetic. The usual position of mothers.

I have certain beliefs about how people should treat employees and how companies should be run, but I was really surprised though this process to learn that those beliefs are actually good business.

I am convinced, that when a man tells a woman he loves her, he only means that he desires her; and that the only total love in this world is that of a father for his son.

Every fighter have a plan until he's been beaten

We mathematicans are all a bit crazy.

Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.

All who suffer are full of hatred; all who live drag a remorse: the dead alone have broken their chains.