You've got to gamble every once in a while in a round of golf. I'm not afraid to screw up.

Vodka does not ease back pain. But it does get your mind off it.

I might not come home with hardware, but I'm winning.

Newspapers do a good job telling me what happened yesterday, but they'd be a lot more impressive if they could tell me what's going to happen tomorrow.

The greatest thing about golf, there's no end to it unless you're dead. You just go from here to the Senior Tour.

I'm glad I don't have to make a living farming. Too much hard work. Too many variables you don't have control over, like, is it going to rain? All I can say is, god bless the real farmers out there.

Life is not a bowl full of cherries, there's good and bad stuff.

Because you pray after you play.

I've never been to heaven and, thinking back on my life, I probably won't get a chance to go. I guess the Masters is as close as I'm going to get.

I accept the fact that I'm going to miss it sometimes. I just hope I miss it where I can find it.

Every shot makes someone happy.

Reality means you live until you die...the real truth is nobody wants reality.

Only one person can own any plate at a time. It belongs to the pitcher, or it belongs to the batter, Aiken, but not to both. You understand.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

But then Iraq happened after September 2001 and America claimed that Al Qaeda was there, and we all know that was a lie and we now know that our own Prime Minister deceived the country terribly.

And how to paint your lovely hands, fluttering over the silks like two dark birds?

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

The secret of great fortunes without apparent cause is a crime forgotten, forgotten because it was properly done.

I hope to begin a new plan... not sitting down to local matter but walking and watching.

I find it vulgar that people are so fascinated by natural disasters, and we allow footage of young people that are looting because they have no choice because of natural disaster.

I'm not real huge on horror films, but there's something really special about this.