You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

The thought of all that happiness was hard to bear. What's the point of happiness when all it does is throw the facts of dying into clear relief?

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.

I may not hate all of the people all of the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.

The Maker is mighty in strength.

We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it.

I'm the kinda person, you gotta fight for everything you get. You gotta believe in yourself.

The American people never carry an umbrella. They prepare to walk in eternal sunshine.

You have only one model, Jesus. Follow, follow, follow him, step by step, imitating him, sharing his life in every way.

Casey Blake (a former Minnesota Twin, now with the Indians) is a good friend of mine, I'd like to see the Indians win.

We think about mortality so little, these days, except to flail hysterically at it with trendy forms of exercise and high-fiber cereals and nicotine patches.