You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Is he all scarred now?”“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.

There's no magic more powerful than the human spirit.

Everything around us build us. Books, films, family... everything out there is building our personality!

I#pray because the need flows out of me all the time-walking and sleeping. It does not change #‎ God - it changes me.

America seems to celebrate its more violent past, but Canada doesn't like to recognize those things. The willingness to accept the existence of violence separates our two countries.

...we’re just kids growing up on an island, doing bad things in pretty places.

I like somebody who makes me laugh. He's also got to be prepared - I'm sort of a loose cannon, in a good way. I also like people who disagree with me and make me work to prove my point.

Never give us what we really want. Cut the dream into pieces and scatter them like ashes. Dole out the empty promises. Package our aspirations and sell them to us, cheaply made enough to fall apart.

In my weightlifting I am trying to show that if you pray and meditate, you can bring to the fore your inner strength. Now, if somebody is really inwardly strong, he is always at peace.