Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Nothing more than action speaks for love and passion.

Do not waste your life hating. Let your life glow in love.

I've always had enough, even if my enough and your enough are as different as an elephant and a minaret.

Put up the dream. Put in the knowledge. Put out the effort.

Love is the crown that glorifies; the curse That brands and burdens; it is life and death. It is the great law of the universe; And nothing can exist without its breath.

To a valet no man is a hero. [Ger., Es gibt fur den Kammerdiener keiner Helden.]

We may rest assured that God would never have suffered any infants to be slain except those who were already damned and predestined for eternal death.

I felt his hot tears and the loneliness of man and the sweetness of all men and the aching haunting beauty of the living

No great inner event befalls those who summon it not

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.