Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Take me when I'm wild.Take me when I'm free.Take me for meand I will take you as you want to be.

Forgiveness is a transformative act because it asks you to be a more empathetic and compassionate person, thereby making you better than the person you were when you were first hurt.

I love my family because they are always there for me even during my fragile moments.

Imagination is an endless possibility.

People say it's madness, Others call it danger, I call it Alternative Normality.

We are all frail-embodied creatures, who at times suffer through injustice, abuse, illness, pain and misfortune.

Love is flower like Friendship is like a sheltering tree.

The [Democratic] party is a bank. It collects money and gives it to TV stations.

We think we're living in the present, but we're really living in the past.

I am tired of loving a foreign muse.