Your ignorance cramps my conversation

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

I think that acting is no fun unless it's hard. I'm not titillated by acting or being an actor unless I have to work hard.

If you have any interests you can gain a wider audience for those interests while the goldfish bowl is yours!

I love you not as something private and personal, which is my own, but as something universal and worthy of love which I have found.

Of travel I've had my share, man, I've been everywhere.

Each time we act to improve the life of another person, we send forth a ripple of hope in what appears to be a hopeless society.

The only way to change things is to shoot men who arrange things.

Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them.

People know what they want because they know what other people want.

I can't believe that the Russians really think they're more insecure because Estonia is in NATO. And we don't have forces poised in Estonia to attack Russia.