Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

To Be Successful You Don't Need Beautiful Face And Heroic Body, What You Need is Skillful Mind And Ability To Perform

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

The older you get, the more you realise how happenstance... has helped to determine your path through life.

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

Art is something that nobody laughs at and nobody makes any money out of is the attitude, which I would dispute.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

When I was doing Bean more than I’ve done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean.

I am always happy to meet my friend, and my friend is my weekend.

Embrace your responsibility to dream big.

His [Bob Dylan] humour was dry and splendid.

As a matter of fact we have to take special precautions during a battle to post police, to prevent more unwounded men than are necessary from accompanying a wounded man back from the firing line.

We are at a point in our work when we can no longer ignore empires and the imperial context in our studies. (p. 5)

Family are the people who must make you feel ashamed when you are deserving of shame.

One drop of eternity is of greater weight than a vast ocean of finite things.

True happiness consists in being considered deserving of it.

I make a dog-friendly version of almost everything that we make for dinner.

beautiful December grapes, blue as plums, every grape a little skinful of sweet, tasteless water