Your whole life people tell you to do what you love. But if you gotta do something else to pay the bills, you don't automatically have to be miserable.

A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.

You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.

If only corporal punishment cured low self-esteem.

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

The TV Tropes QC page is every single idiotic comment from my forums distilled into one HTML document.

The trick to writer's block is to sack up and write through it, you see.

Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer.

Most of the women who have offered themselves for public office over the years have done so, I believe, more because of the 'dirt' than in spite of it.

I've always liked game shows - the competitive aspect and the character-driven personalities you see.

My own habit had always been to write about the things that ticked me off in a given day. If I kept a journal at all, I kept it to vent.

Every age, Through being beheld too close, is ill-discerned By those who have not lived past it.

Life does not stand still. Where there is no progress, there is disintegration.

A line I like to use is, "Every day is training. Every day of life is a pursuit of perfection."

I'm going to be a superstar musician, kill myself, and go out in a flame of glory.

When gifts are replaced by rights, so is gratitude replaced by claims. And claims breed resentment

O come ye in peace here, or come ye in war, Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?