Youth is the only thing worth having.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Always forgive your enemies nothing annoys them so much.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Everyone may not be good, but there's always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Christmas is not only where you find it

If only one tooth aches, rejoice that not all of them ache.... If your wife betrays you, be glad that she betrayed only you and not the nation.

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

How was I supposed to concentrate on my mental health when my therapist was encased in orange sparkle madness?

I have just committed the mortal sin of laughing in the Members' Library. No-one around here has done that for a while.

I don't know if I'll find the cinnamon girl. I think I already did, but I'm still singing, who knows.

I never knew my titties was bigger than Pamela So paparazzi flickin be flickin their camera

To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.

Until women are as ambitious as men, they're not gong to achieve as much as men.