Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

I must exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world.

By letting go of misguided beliefs, love and compassion can break through.

Love yourself enough to open your eyes, and open your eyes enough to love yourself.

I'm going to hell. I'm pretty sure she's going to drag me there herself.

I don't think there's anything I can't do. I have no regrets.

You can't know what a book is about until the very end. This is true of a book we're reading or writing.

College coaches measure success in championships. High School coaches measure success to titles. Youth coaches measure success in smiles.

It is neither the statesman nor the friend who is asking your help and assistance, but simply the man.

If my uniform doesn't get dirty, I haven't done anything in the baseball game.

After my mother died, I lived with relatives. Reading was a means of escaping into other worlds, as photography, much later, was to become.