been there done that, bought the t-shirt" Chapter 2

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

you can’t use logic on human behavior.

Our universe is ruled by random whim, inhabited by people who laugh at logic.

When you grow up close to poultry and fields and gardens and open-air markets, you can't help but develop an instinct for quality food.

I do feel good doing them [family-friendly movies], but it's not going to be my way of life. I'm a comedian.

Happy girls are always the prettiest

Twenty-first century medicine must not be confined to a twentieth-century bureaucracy.

Listen to me, don't listen to me. Talk to me, don't talk to me.

The President is the peoples lobbyist.

Computer Science is the only discipline in which we view adding a new wing to a building as being maintenance.

The Fear of Death often proves Mortal.

I believe that consciousness is the way information feels when being processed.

All of us will ultimately be judged on the effort we have contributed to building a new world order.