brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

It's not your end goal that gives life to your required actions, it's your required actions that give life to your end goal.

When we have opened ourselves to give forgiveness or to accept forgiveness we have opened ourselves to touch the Divine.

God always puts somebody in your life at the right moment.

Anyone who's lived has lost somebody.

During my school visits, I really enjoy the feedback I get from them much more than anything I might tell say to them.

In every artist there is a touch of audacity without which no talent is conceivable.

Relationship is the need of those who cannot be alone. Two alone persons relate, communicate, commune, and yet they remain alone.

Celestial spirit that doth roll; The heart's sepulchral stone away, Be this our resurrection day, The singing Easter of the soul - O gentle Master of the Wise, Teach us to say: "I will arise."

You live and die by results, I asked to be judged on that and people have.

If you play music with passion and love and honesty, then it will nourish your soul, heal your wounds and make your life worth living. Music is its own reward.