guess they forgot to program us with any respect for authority." "well, I have a highly developed sense of irony.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Today I am even richer.

For I may fall and I may fail but I will stand again each time and you will find no satisfaction.

Don’t play with damaged goods, you will only hurt yourself.

"despair all ye mortals," he said in a voice of doom. "the mama approacheth"

Chanel, General De Gaulle and Picasso are the three most important figures of our time.

Many kiss the hand they wish cut off.

I just knew I would be a writer. It just seemed the only sensible thing to do.

My top priority for 2012 will be to make a renewed push for women's economic empowerment and political participation.

Ali’s got a left, Ali’s got a right, if he hits you once, you’re asleep for the night

Old age is like an opium dream. Nothing seems real except the unreal.