never say never. whoops - said it twice

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

... to be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.

He had spoken with such absolute confidence that I knew he had to be blowing this out of his rectal orifice.

Happiness does not lie in happiness, but in the achievement of it.

A lot of people think I am cold and have no feelings. But I do. I just try very hard to focus and not let my emotions take over on the golf course.

I think that any wealth creates a sense of trusteeship... it is characteristic of the new generation which has created wealth to have some amount of responsibility for it.

When I was a young boy, I can remember in the community that I grew up in, seeing people in the community who had numbers that were on their arms.

There's nothing better than a 200 lb snatch, if you know what I mean.

Don't become a Buddhist. The world doesn't need Buddhist. Do practice Compassion. The world needs more compassion.

War with vices, but peace with individuals.

Short on glamour and long on tragedy.