... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.

Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.

I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.

A lot of artists start out as failed poets, then move on to being failed short-story writers before they finally break through to the big time and become failed novelists.

Being a cab river is not unlike being a magician--minus the top hat, the cape, the rabbit, an the gorgeous assistant. But you do have an audience.

Adverbs and cops always come in pairs.

I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies-I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.

It's a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday.

I've been broke, and I've been in debt, and broke is better.

I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That's a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

I don't think anything can behave as unintelligently as intelligence.

The pages and the words are my world, spread out before your eyes and for your hand to touch. Vaguely, I can see you face looking down into me, as I look back. Do you see my eyes?

Yeah, " I said because it led to more options than 'no'.

I have no reason to lie and every reason not to. If I do lie, I will be prosecuted.

No man who can do any one thing well will be able to any different thing equally well.

Everyone carries with them at least one piece to someone else's puzzle.

The still small voice within you must always be the final arbiter when there is a conflict of duty.

I play a nice crazy lady whose morals are right but who is really foundering.

When you can hear a violinist, that is better than you, then you learn from him, because if you play with somebody who is worse than you, then you go down.

As a man, you got to know how to take it, so I just took it.