old age' is always ten years more than we are.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Love is a flower that grows in the garden of mind if we treat it with kindness, compassion, and joy.

Vocally, I really like going into the darker side of myself.

Every idea I get I have to deny, that's my way of testing it.

Once you're an addict, you're always an addict, so just because I found something good to do doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt myself doing it.

The drama, like the symphony, does not teach or prove anything.

When you give up struggle, there's a kind of love.

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

If you don't love your work, it's hard to love your life.

Spiritual superiority [consists in] deep dedication ... in the form of the most rigorous training, as commitment, resistance, solitude, and love.

Is it possible to specialize in more than one element?" She laughed and shook her head. "No. Too much power. No one could handle all that magic, not without losing her mind." Oh. Great.