(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.

Believing in Jesus prevent you from failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God

This world becomes heaven when we learn to see the beauty in and around us and enjoy them every moment.

You always feel when you look it straight in the eye that you could have put more into it could have let yourself go and dug harder.

It's important to have balance in your life between work and play.

If I am thinking the same as everyone why bother pushing to get it published?

I don't like vegetables and most fruit.

Unfortunately I had an ankle problem and underwent three operations.

The West pays money and piles up pressure to cause a strife between Islamic countries so that Muslims would kill each other and the West can obtain its desirable outcome thereby.

He whose intellect overcomes his lust is higher than the angels; he whose lust overcomes his intelligence is less than an animal.