our culture is definitely the eighth grade. It's run by eighth-grade boys, and the way these boys show a girl they like her is by humiliating her and making her cry.

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

You don't have to live by someone else's rules. Do what you want. Be free.

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.

Our stories come from our lives and from the playwright's pen, the mind of the actor, the roles we create, the artistry of life itself and the quest for peace.

Her lips said 'no', but her eyes said 'read my lips'.

Fashion is a dangerous road to go down. Anybody who is going to have children later in life had best not be too fashionable because the photos will come back to haunt them.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

Crises and deadlocks when they occur have at least this advantage, that they force us to think.

Be like an alone peak high in the sky. Why should you hanker to belong? You are not a thing! Things belong!

Excuses are your lack of faith in your own power.

It's frightening for one artist to see another one, any other one turn away from art.