..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Service introduces you to the leadership throne. Service to mankind is the vision on which leadership is mounted. You serve and in your service, you train more leaders by becoming an example!

If there was ever a bigger pansy than my father, it was Marcel Proust.

Torture numbers, and they'll confess to anything.

If possible, forget the past. Look forward to the future.

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.

Among the several cloudy appellatives which have been commonly employed as cloaks for misgovernment, there is none more conspicuous in this atmosphere of illusion than the word Order.

Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.

People who take risk intelligently can usually actually make a lot more progress than people who don't.

To love is to return to a home we never left, to remember who we are.

Know thy enemy and know thy self and you will win a hundred battles.