[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I ask not for any crownBut that which all may win

The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born

Some consider haters, people that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. I just don’t consider them.

He shall despise none, but hear the opinions of all. A wise man shall make use of even a child's sensible utterance.

We must get going. Tomorrow, tomorrow.

In retrospect there were failures enough to go around. There were failures before the storm and failures after the storm.

A foreclosure does not define you financially.

Hunger is never delicate.

I am a lover and have not found my thing to love. That is a big point if you know enough to realize what I mean. It makes my destruction inevitable, you see. There are few who understand that.

I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene-or, as they say in New York, sophisticated.