self-pity is better than none.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

[I]n the end this shall be for me sufficient, that a marble stone shall declare that a Queen, having reigned such a time, lived and died a virgin.

Rejection is simply redirection to the greatness awaiting for you.

You can be in love with solitude

Choosing my favorite moment in journalism would be like picking a favorite among my children. I can't pick one favorite.

You [ the American President] can print more money, you just print and pay. I mean, it's a bad option, but you can do it.

He that is choice of his time will be choice of his company, and choice of his actions.

Hongry rooster don't cackle w'en he fine a wum.

I'm known for long colorful locs but I still don't take my hair too seriously. Changing it helps express who I am.

Women were the slave class that maintained the species in order to free the other half for the business of the world.

I guess you shouldn't smoke cigarettes and not eat.