sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Mungkin kerana manusia terlalu lemah untuk menghadapi realiti, maka kita bergantung kepada harapan.

A daisy blooming in a desert is worth more than a rose blossoming in a rainforest.

In the end, like so many beautiful promises in our lives, that dinner date never came to be.

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.

And that's an even greater love: to love somebody when he's a little...worn at the edges. —Teddy Bear

The book you don't read won't help.

To not love ourselves can keep what we want from us.

The human tongue is a beast that few can master.

Bears," I muttered, adding a new fear to the pile. "That would be just her luck, wouldn't it? Stray bear in town. OF course it would head straight for Bella.