you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

And I was fairly certain that my strong-enough-for-King-Kong-but-made-for-a-woman deodorant had utterly failed. --Doom with a View

Health is the greatest strength.

Despite the loss they were suffering, they'd both relaxed - as people do when they realize they've run out of chances for happiness

Older people make this mistake all the time with younger people, treating them as a finished product when in fact they are in process.

They watched the rain and downed their Cokes like a pair of diabetics in a suicide pact.

Time is an avid gambler who has no need to cheat to win every time.

An everlasting tranquility is, in my imagination, the highest possible felicity, because I know of no felicity on earth higher than that which a peaceful mind and contented heart afford.

If you make a film about a pig farmer in Wales and you are a huge hit as the pig farmer's wife, the next thing is you'll be asked to do a film about a sheep farmer in Scotland.

Don't be defined by your failures, be refined by them.

Like the fighter, the Warrior is aware of his own immense strength; he never fights with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.